I've noticed my phone use hasn't gone down, even though I haven't had the IG or FB apps on my phone in a couple of months. And I always think, "What am I even doing on my phone for these hours, if I'm not scrolling those apps?" Ugh. Thanks for sharing The Pause.
Also, I kept thinking that this post was a subtle pregnancy announcement. Do you already have twins? Haha.
Reading about your garden reminded me you're on the other side of the world, basking in sunshine, and I'm freezing. 😆
Hahahah good pick up! It is a subtle pregnancy announcement! I am pregnant with our third bub, due first week of July (single bub 😂) - I think that's why I noticed I was Googling more.
But yeah, glad to hear you had a similar experience, that it is not just me who is still attached to my phone!
Basking doesn't feel quite right, it was 42C here last night (107F) and our aircon stops working when it is too hot so I was sleeping in our living room with the one little working aircon. It's gross 🥵
Rebecca Marie, your words about The Pause resonate deeply. I left social media in April 2023 thanks to a podcast (and course) called Writing off Social. I have missed nothing.
After the WOS course was over this past summer we started a Voxer group and it's been going strong ever since. I love it! We are all currently sharing photos and weather updates--US weather is currently pretty crazy :-)
My phone's browser is also DuckDuckGo and to help myself manage the tendency to ask, ask, ask, I installed Google Notes app on my pixel. Now I can tap on it and use voice to text to ask my questions and save them for later. Same thing--not so many brain interruptions--it's amazing what you don't need to know!
God has made us for connection and I think the enemy of our souls is using electronic devices to destroy that--please, Lord, help us all continue to wake up to the blessing and gift of actual flesh-and-blood souls around us, eh?
Hi Jody, that's so great to hear that you're also working through similar things! You're right, it is amazing what you don't need to know! God has made us for connection and it is scary to be vulnerable with a flesh and blood person, but it is so worth it. I want to grow in this area, to try and design my life around deep relationships, to give them space to grow.
Wow Bec, I have learned so much from this post and you’ve given me so much to think about! I didn’t realise how much influence Google can have on us, especially in moments of anxiety. I also had the same brick phone, pink motor razor, and got my first smart phone at 21 when I dated my long-distance bf (now husband)!
I enjoyed reading your post; I'm a huge nerd when it comes to talking about managing the Medusa that modern technology can be. It's fun to talk shop about it... with real humans! So, thanks for adding to the conversation!
One of my favorite lines from your essay is "I would cast my anxieties upon the algorithm". :)
I love the strategy of creating a list of things to Google (and they way you wrote about that process made me chuckle), and it's so interesting how the need-to-know evaporates as the day goes on. Keep up the good work!
Thank you SO MUCH for the encouragement. I truly thought this essay might have been too much, too weird, but I have been touched by the response that I'm not the only one mulling this over too. Glad you we can nerd out together! Also, I'm delighted to see another ENFJ out in the wild :)
Our church did a Digital Detox and I took mail and browsing off and it was A GAME CHANGER. I love to see people’s reactions when they ask me to look something up and I say “sorry, I’m not able to.” 😂 Same with email -- I’m often asked “HOW DO YOU LIVE without email on your phone?” Uhhh... I check it on my computer??
Hahahah this is great!! I hope to be this person one day. I still sometimes download the internet browser if it's something important and I'm out. But you're so right, mostly it can wait!
Loved this, Bec. I’ll be thinking on this for awhile: But all I did was cut off the shark’s dorsal fin. There were still rows of teeth under the waves.
Thinking about how I could also incorporate a pause. I don’t have much social media but still spend lots of time on my phone.
What I do to keep in touch with friends: text, call, visit, send snail mail, write down important things (like running races, doctor appointments, etc) so I can check in.
Aww thanks Alyssa! Glad to hear it's not just me spending too much time with my phone in my hand. You sound like a great, intentional friend!! I also add important dates for my friends into my Google calendar to remind me to ask (one time when tech is amazing!) 💛
So many thoughts and I nodded along to all of it! Really love your idea of asking a real person for advice rather than googling. And I also LOVE voice messages on Whatsapp 🙌🏻 I have every kind of WhatsApp group under the sun and I love it 😂
Part of me wants to delete Substack, chrome, emails etc off my phone but another part of me still finds it useful for recipes, online shopping (when I actually *need* something) and atm reading substacks or an ebook on my phone at night in the dark with our newborn in the room. But I do really like the idea of keeping those things for the computer and having an allocated computer time of the day.
How great is WhatsApp?!! I love it! And texting. Group chats are the best. Thank you for the encouragement!
If it works for you, and it's not causing you any issues, don't worry about it! It's just me, I am a nut. I have the Paprika for recipes and that's helpful, plus the Woolies app and Amazon for shopping.
Congrats on newborn season!!! Did you have a boy or a girl? How far postpartum are you now? Also - I'm pregnant with our third bub - due first week of July 💛
Also just read the first four parts of the ex evangelical serial you linked (very addictive, in supposed to be tidying up my house 😂).So heartbreaking to read things like that! Makes me so grateful for how I grew up as a Christian, but so sad that her experiences are actually quite common in very conservative churches. It's so wrong and so not how God intended it! Many thoughts...
Oh my goodness, this is exactly how I feel. It's so sad and not how God intended it. I also smashed through it and then subscribed because I do want to know how she got out.
So good! I tried voxer once and was like, uh WhatsApp is way better 😂 they're missing out!
It works okay for now but hopefully once the baby is in his own room I'll go back to less time on my phone. The woolies app is so good 👏🏻 and I'll have to check out paprika! Can you save recipes from online in there?
I had a little boy 💕 after two daughters! I'm 9 weeks postpartum and feel so much more like myself then when I was heavily pregnant. I had an emergency c section but I'm so thankful that I've bounced back quite well! So ready to get going on things again!
So happy for you 🥰 praying the pregnancy is gentle on you, especially as you parent two other kiddos ✨ hopefully you're not feeling too sick in this heat! 🥴
Congrats on the little boy! I have two boys, so I am finding out the gender soon. I'd be happy either way though. I always preferred newborn season to third trimester. It's so hard! And especially in this heat. Glad to hear you are recovering well. So far I've just been napping 1.5 hours a day, but starting to feel like a person again!
Paprika is great - you can save recipes into there from online as there is a browser in the app. And yeah totally, it's just a season. Do what works and don't feel bad!
Woah that's a good nap! 👏🏻 Naps are the best 👏🏻 I just sometimes find I have to force myself to do it bc I know it's good for me 🙈 glad you're starting to feel human again! Hopefully you're third trimester won't be so hot 😉
I read these questions and wondered if I’d missed the announcement!! Congratulations!! I do these searches too (different questions 😆), and I hadn’t given much thought to how much time it sucks because it feels “necessary”. But then, so often I just end up feeling stressed and not like I actually figured out anything.
Hahaha yeah its a very lazy announcement! Thank you! Yeah, I found this too. Like I think I'm being productive but in the end it makes me more overwhelmed haha
Yes to the incessant googling!! It’s the main reason I took the browser off my phone. So much anxiety. The Google doc idea is genius though and you’re inspired me to see if I can just take e-mail off too. I still have the twitchiness, but my brain stays quieter. I didn’t realize how much information I took in all day long, ever day.
I got the idea to take the browser off my phone from you! I think I saw it in a note or an essay. I didn't realise it was possible before that! I also did not realise how much information I take in every day. I do wonder what the impact is on our brains...
With you on all of this! I left Instagram over a year ago, so at this point my only social media is Facebook for groups (like Exhale), but I similarly felt like I was still spending way too much time on my phone. I deleted email years ago (back when I was running an online business), but also did the searching to figure out how to disable Safari (so annoying that you can’t straight up delete it!) and it’s been so good. Still feel like I use it too much some days/weeks, but it really makes a difference when the things you have on the smartphone are just actual tools, rather than entertainment.
Also, I had a subchorionic hemorrhage at 8 weeks with my last pregnancy. It cleared up all on its own by 16 weeks and our baby girl is now here safe and sound. Nurse friends (or in my case, sisters) are always way better than Dr. Google. ☺️
Oh that is so wonderful to hear that you came up with similar solutions!! Like, I don't think the solution is never using tech, but it's kind of like Cal Newport's book Digital Minimalism - how can I extract the benefits from this and minimise the negatives? I joined the Exhale FB group with some trepidation last year, but just checking it on my laptop on a Friday has been really helpful. And that group is such a blessing in my life!
That is so good to hear re: subchorionic haemorrhage. Thanks for sharing. I only found out because my GP handed over my notes to pass onto the GP-Obstetrician and I read it. Neither of them was concerned enough to mention it, so I consulted Dr. Google 😂
I love this piece so much! My husband has also locked down all the apps, including Mail and safari, and has seen fruit from it. Maybe I’ll take that step too. The Pause is so necessary for all of us because reaching for our phone feels so good in the moment.
Also, thank you for the shout out! I so appreciate it ❤️
Loved this, Bec. I’m inspired by how your Pause has lead to greater connection with people in your real life--I’m challenged to ask a friend instead of google the next time I have a question :)
What a great read Rebecca! This resonates with me so much. I’ve been struggling to limit my screen time for the better part of a year by deleting apps, setting time limits etc and still I find myself with my phone in hand more than I’d like to admit. I love that you named it The Pause and that you went as far as to delete Google and email! I feel like that it something we often overlook, delete Instagram sure but Google I couldn’t possibly haha.
I’ve been yearning for more connection with my family and my community but couldn’t quite figure out how to. So many methods to implement from you. Thank you so much, what a gift ❤️
Aww thanks Lauren. So glad to hear it is helpful! I really thought I was getting to be a bit weird with it all, but I'm so glad to hear from this essay that actually I'm not the only one finding my phone in my hand more often than I would like.
And I think that's the key, it's putting down one thing (instant info) in favour of deeper connection. Modern life is not designed for that and I think that is why so many of us are lonely. But I want to cultivate a life that puts deep relationships in the centre, the priority in life.
I've noticed my phone use hasn't gone down, even though I haven't had the IG or FB apps on my phone in a couple of months. And I always think, "What am I even doing on my phone for these hours, if I'm not scrolling those apps?" Ugh. Thanks for sharing The Pause.
Also, I kept thinking that this post was a subtle pregnancy announcement. Do you already have twins? Haha.
Reading about your garden reminded me you're on the other side of the world, basking in sunshine, and I'm freezing. 😆
Hahahah good pick up! It is a subtle pregnancy announcement! I am pregnant with our third bub, due first week of July (single bub 😂) - I think that's why I noticed I was Googling more.
But yeah, glad to hear you had a similar experience, that it is not just me who is still attached to my phone!
Basking doesn't feel quite right, it was 42C here last night (107F) and our aircon stops working when it is too hot so I was sleeping in our living room with the one little working aircon. It's gross 🥵
I wanted to ask too 😅. Congrats!!
Haha me too! But I never dare ask about pregnancy! 🫣 Congrats Bec! 💕
I suppose I shouldn't have asked. HA!
Hahahah I didn't think it was that subtle... I guess I should have made an actual announcement 😂
Haha thanks!
Congrats! Thrilled for you. ❤️
Thanks friend 💛
Congrats!! So exciting!!
Oh definitely not basking! You're sweating and I'm freezing. ;)
Oh congrats! 🥳
Thanks! 💛
Rebecca Marie, your words about The Pause resonate deeply. I left social media in April 2023 thanks to a podcast (and course) called Writing off Social. I have missed nothing.
After the WOS course was over this past summer we started a Voxer group and it's been going strong ever since. I love it! We are all currently sharing photos and weather updates--US weather is currently pretty crazy :-)
My phone's browser is also DuckDuckGo and to help myself manage the tendency to ask, ask, ask, I installed Google Notes app on my pixel. Now I can tap on it and use voice to text to ask my questions and save them for later. Same thing--not so many brain interruptions--it's amazing what you don't need to know!
God has made us for connection and I think the enemy of our souls is using electronic devices to destroy that--please, Lord, help us all continue to wake up to the blessing and gift of actual flesh-and-blood souls around us, eh?
Thanks for the ponderings....
Hi Jody, that's so great to hear that you're also working through similar things! You're right, it is amazing what you don't need to know! God has made us for connection and it is scary to be vulnerable with a flesh and blood person, but it is so worth it. I want to grow in this area, to try and design my life around deep relationships, to give them space to grow.
That is definitely a super healthy way to live Rebecca...
I had a chance to chat with the girls at the Writing off Social podcast about my experience, if you're interested, I can drop the link here...
And by the way, congratulations on the new baby on the way!
Thanks Jody! Sure, do it. I'm sure a lot of the women from Exhale would love to listen 💛
Happy to share. Thanks.... https://open.spotify.com/episode/5itlIY8EOFFVaUCMQtFRyA?si=8ebb5ae3ebac48e2
Wow Bec, I have learned so much from this post and you’ve given me so much to think about! I didn’t realise how much influence Google can have on us, especially in moments of anxiety. I also had the same brick phone, pink motor razor, and got my first smart phone at 21 when I dated my long-distance bf (now husband)!
Thanks Heidi! 💛
I enjoyed reading your post; I'm a huge nerd when it comes to talking about managing the Medusa that modern technology can be. It's fun to talk shop about it... with real humans! So, thanks for adding to the conversation!
One of my favorite lines from your essay is "I would cast my anxieties upon the algorithm". :)
I love the strategy of creating a list of things to Google (and they way you wrote about that process made me chuckle), and it's so interesting how the need-to-know evaporates as the day goes on. Keep up the good work!
Thank you SO MUCH for the encouragement. I truly thought this essay might have been too much, too weird, but I have been touched by the response that I'm not the only one mulling this over too. Glad you we can nerd out together! Also, I'm delighted to see another ENFJ out in the wild :)
Our church did a Digital Detox and I took mail and browsing off and it was A GAME CHANGER. I love to see people’s reactions when they ask me to look something up and I say “sorry, I’m not able to.” 😂 Same with email -- I’m often asked “HOW DO YOU LIVE without email on your phone?” Uhhh... I check it on my computer??
Hahahah this is great!! I hope to be this person one day. I still sometimes download the internet browser if it's something important and I'm out. But you're so right, mostly it can wait!
Loved this, Bec. I’ll be thinking on this for awhile: But all I did was cut off the shark’s dorsal fin. There were still rows of teeth under the waves.
Thinking about how I could also incorporate a pause. I don’t have much social media but still spend lots of time on my phone.
What I do to keep in touch with friends: text, call, visit, send snail mail, write down important things (like running races, doctor appointments, etc) so I can check in.
Aww thanks Alyssa! Glad to hear it's not just me spending too much time with my phone in my hand. You sound like a great, intentional friend!! I also add important dates for my friends into my Google calendar to remind me to ask (one time when tech is amazing!) 💛
So many thoughts and I nodded along to all of it! Really love your idea of asking a real person for advice rather than googling. And I also LOVE voice messages on Whatsapp 🙌🏻 I have every kind of WhatsApp group under the sun and I love it 😂
Part of me wants to delete Substack, chrome, emails etc off my phone but another part of me still finds it useful for recipes, online shopping (when I actually *need* something) and atm reading substacks or an ebook on my phone at night in the dark with our newborn in the room. But I do really like the idea of keeping those things for the computer and having an allocated computer time of the day.
Also the Compline poem feels so real me to right now! 😍
Isn't it beautiful?!! 💛
How great is WhatsApp?!! I love it! And texting. Group chats are the best. Thank you for the encouragement!
If it works for you, and it's not causing you any issues, don't worry about it! It's just me, I am a nut. I have the Paprika for recipes and that's helpful, plus the Woolies app and Amazon for shopping.
Congrats on newborn season!!! Did you have a boy or a girl? How far postpartum are you now? Also - I'm pregnant with our third bub - due first week of July 💛
Also just read the first four parts of the ex evangelical serial you linked (very addictive, in supposed to be tidying up my house 😂).So heartbreaking to read things like that! Makes me so grateful for how I grew up as a Christian, but so sad that her experiences are actually quite common in very conservative churches. It's so wrong and so not how God intended it! Many thoughts...
Oh my goodness, this is exactly how I feel. It's so sad and not how God intended it. I also smashed through it and then subscribed because I do want to know how she got out.
Yeah me too!
So good! I tried voxer once and was like, uh WhatsApp is way better 😂 they're missing out!
It works okay for now but hopefully once the baby is in his own room I'll go back to less time on my phone. The woolies app is so good 👏🏻 and I'll have to check out paprika! Can you save recipes from online in there?
I had a little boy 💕 after two daughters! I'm 9 weeks postpartum and feel so much more like myself then when I was heavily pregnant. I had an emergency c section but I'm so thankful that I've bounced back quite well! So ready to get going on things again!
So happy for you 🥰 praying the pregnancy is gentle on you, especially as you parent two other kiddos ✨ hopefully you're not feeling too sick in this heat! 🥴
Congrats on the little boy! I have two boys, so I am finding out the gender soon. I'd be happy either way though. I always preferred newborn season to third trimester. It's so hard! And especially in this heat. Glad to hear you are recovering well. So far I've just been napping 1.5 hours a day, but starting to feel like a person again!
Paprika is great - you can save recipes into there from online as there is a browser in the app. And yeah totally, it's just a season. Do what works and don't feel bad!
Woah that's a good nap! 👏🏻 Naps are the best 👏🏻 I just sometimes find I have to force myself to do it bc I know it's good for me 🙈 glad you're starting to feel human again! Hopefully you're third trimester won't be so hot 😉
So exciting to see if it's a boy or girl! 🙌🏻
Will face to check out the app!
Hahah thanks!! 💛
Naps 👏 are 👏 the 👏 best!
I read these questions and wondered if I’d missed the announcement!! Congratulations!! I do these searches too (different questions 😆), and I hadn’t given much thought to how much time it sucks because it feels “necessary”. But then, so often I just end up feeling stressed and not like I actually figured out anything.
Hahaha yeah its a very lazy announcement! Thank you! Yeah, I found this too. Like I think I'm being productive but in the end it makes me more overwhelmed haha
Congratulations on pregnancy!
I deleted ig for a little bit and am more aware when taking photos, taking for ME, not the gram. Love the body essay you shared!
Also i have a tab for things to share on social media, some day!
Thanks so much Reem! Glad to hear you're also wrestling with how you engage with your phone 💛
Ugh. Yes. I just deleted some apps. Maybe we could do some accountability check in's?
Oooh yes. That sounds like a good idea!
A good read!! Thank you.
Thanks Kim!! 💛
Yes to the incessant googling!! It’s the main reason I took the browser off my phone. So much anxiety. The Google doc idea is genius though and you’re inspired me to see if I can just take e-mail off too. I still have the twitchiness, but my brain stays quieter. I didn’t realize how much information I took in all day long, ever day.
I got the idea to take the browser off my phone from you! I think I saw it in a note or an essay. I didn't realise it was possible before that! I also did not realise how much information I take in every day. I do wonder what the impact is on our brains...
With you on all of this! I left Instagram over a year ago, so at this point my only social media is Facebook for groups (like Exhale), but I similarly felt like I was still spending way too much time on my phone. I deleted email years ago (back when I was running an online business), but also did the searching to figure out how to disable Safari (so annoying that you can’t straight up delete it!) and it’s been so good. Still feel like I use it too much some days/weeks, but it really makes a difference when the things you have on the smartphone are just actual tools, rather than entertainment.
Also, I had a subchorionic hemorrhage at 8 weeks with my last pregnancy. It cleared up all on its own by 16 weeks and our baby girl is now here safe and sound. Nurse friends (or in my case, sisters) are always way better than Dr. Google. ☺️
Oh that is so wonderful to hear that you came up with similar solutions!! Like, I don't think the solution is never using tech, but it's kind of like Cal Newport's book Digital Minimalism - how can I extract the benefits from this and minimise the negatives? I joined the Exhale FB group with some trepidation last year, but just checking it on my laptop on a Friday has been really helpful. And that group is such a blessing in my life!
That is so good to hear re: subchorionic haemorrhage. Thanks for sharing. I only found out because my GP handed over my notes to pass onto the GP-Obstetrician and I read it. Neither of them was concerned enough to mention it, so I consulted Dr. Google 😂
I love this piece so much! My husband has also locked down all the apps, including Mail and safari, and has seen fruit from it. Maybe I’ll take that step too. The Pause is so necessary for all of us because reaching for our phone feels so good in the moment.
Also, thank you for the shout out! I so appreciate it ❤️
You're welcome! Keep writing, I love your words! 💛
Loved this, Bec. I’m inspired by how your Pause has lead to greater connection with people in your real life--I’m challenged to ask a friend instead of google the next time I have a question :)
Thanks friend! If that's the impact of this essay, that makes me really, really happy :) xx
What a great read Rebecca! This resonates with me so much. I’ve been struggling to limit my screen time for the better part of a year by deleting apps, setting time limits etc and still I find myself with my phone in hand more than I’d like to admit. I love that you named it The Pause and that you went as far as to delete Google and email! I feel like that it something we often overlook, delete Instagram sure but Google I couldn’t possibly haha.
I’ve been yearning for more connection with my family and my community but couldn’t quite figure out how to. So many methods to implement from you. Thank you so much, what a gift ❤️
Aww thanks Lauren. So glad to hear it is helpful! I really thought I was getting to be a bit weird with it all, but I'm so glad to hear from this essay that actually I'm not the only one finding my phone in my hand more often than I would like.
And I think that's the key, it's putting down one thing (instant info) in favour of deeper connection. Modern life is not designed for that and I think that is why so many of us are lonely. But I want to cultivate a life that puts deep relationships in the centre, the priority in life.