A Psalm for My Nightmare

A poetry collection & what I’m reading and eating in June.

Hey friend,

I’m trying something new this month. I am stuck on essays, but poems are pouring out of me, so I am going where the energy is. If I had to find a theme to link it all together, I think it is probably anger (and fear).

I. I Don’t Want To Go To Nineveh

Riffing on Jonah and numbing.

II. I Avoided Diet Culture All My Life and Now I Have High Cholesterol. Or, I Love Words, But These Words I Hate (A — Z).

An angry acrostic.

III. A Psalm for My Nightmare

I wrote this in the middle of the night, after a nightmare. I debated on whether to include it, but I hope that it encourages your soul as it did mine. If nothing else, I went back to sleep after writing.

Photo by Matt Hardy on Unsplash

Nineveh 

I don’t want to go to Nineveh, 

I’d rather eat a muffin, 

half a block of Cadbury’s 

while hiding in the cupboard.

I don’t want to go to Nineveh, 

I’d rather scroll and swipe.

Tap and click at tepidity, 

Google about my rash.

I don’t want to go to Nineveh, 

I’d rather carp and complain,

grumble and grizzle, 

for I am a stiff-necked woman.

I don’t want to go to Nineveh,

but for his arm to me, 

I would still be in the sea. 

I don’t want to go to Nineveh,

but I do not go alone

 and slowly my heart unfurls

I Avoided Diet Culture All My Life and Now I Have High Cholesterol. 

Or, I Love Words But These Words I Hate (A - Z) 

Atherosclerosis, anti-aging,

“are you sure it’s not twins?”  

botox, bounce back after baby, 

cholesterol, cottage cheese, cleanse, 

diet, detox, declined for $2 at Maccas, 

episiotomy, eczema, e numbers, 

fat blasting, 

geriatric pregnancy, 

high-fructose corn syrup, 

“I think you’re being irrational,” 

infertility, induction,

“just you wait,” 

juicing, 

keto, kilo,  

low-fat dairy, low-rise jeans,

 “mama needs her wine,”

moist, macros, 

muffin top, 

nuttelex, 

narcissism,

“new year, new me,”

“nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,”

ovarian cyst, orthorexia, obsolete, 

porn, processed foods,

peels, pelvic pain, 

quit sugar, 

restriction, ripped abs, 

saturated fat, scales, stevia, 

shred, supplements, summer ready, 

shoulder dystocia, second degree tear, 

triglycerides, trim, thigh gap, 

unwanted hair,

vaginal dryness, 

weight, 

x rated,

“you can’t do everything,” 

“you’ve put on weight, but…” 

zero sugar. 

Photo by Max McKinnon on Unsplash.

A Psalm for My Nightmare

A man tried to steal a little boy from the bathroom 

at our footy club just the other day.

A little girl was murdered in the bathroom 

at my local shops when I was a teen.

And the internet, the internet,

even inside these walls, predators lurk.

A copper’s daughter, I worked in child protection, 

child trauma, hospital, prison. 

Your worst day, is my everyday, 

over and over and over again.

I want to move someplace my kids are safe, 

but where can I flee from evil?

O Lord, how do I protect my children 

from vicious wolves, the predators, the wicked? 

O Lord, how do I bear the weight of such evil?

How do I not be swallowed whole by fear? 

The mountains melt beneath you, 

you are a blazing fire in the darkness.

You hate evil, you see every hidden thing, 

one day you will bring everything into the light

You judge perfectly, justly, and will destroy 

the wolves, the predators, and the wicked.

Keep me in the shadow of your wings, 

gather my children to you, like a mother hen,

until you return to judge the living

and the dead, be with me, Lord. 

I’m Loving

This is stunning from to tell you the truth. I’ve come back to read these words several times, to feel them settle in my chest.

This is delightful.

Carrie Soto is Back, so fun!

I have been making pesto with parsley, as it has been going nuts my in my garden. Honestly, I like it better than the basil version. Plus, if you pop it in a glass jar with a drizzle of olive oil on it, it keeps for ages, ready to spoon onto soups, sandwiches, pasta, and braises. It makes all the heavy winter meals a bit brighter and punchier.

I make this on the regular, but in addition to her marinade, I also toast some Schezuan peppers in a fry pan, grind them up with a mortar and pestle, and add them into the marinade along with a good dollop of peanut butter, a drizzle of sesame oil, minced garlic and ginger. It is delightful. If you want to turn this recipe from happy summer food into winter food, substitute the lettuce for stir fried cabbage with oyster sauce and garlic. And then add liberal amounts of sambal oelek and spring onions to serve. Trust me, it looks stodgy, but it is very, very good.

This is one of my favourite books of all time. It sounds ridiculous, a book of essays about cooking, but the writing is beautiful, the food is mouth-wateringly good, and it makes your food bill cheaper. It is one of the most dog-eared, underlined, and smeared books in my kitchen. My cooking is so much better for having taken to heart her wisdom.

I bought beige ankle gumboots on sale ($20!) at Target and I am OBSESSED. I pair them with thick Explorer socks, black jeans, a light jumper, and a puffer jacket for Saturday morning sport. I feel a little bit fancy and very, very warm #FootyMum #ThisIs33 

Maybe in a few years I will upgrade to these fancy Merry People boots if I continue my best kid sport life. The other game-changer has been enrolling at the same club as our friends the next suburb over. We would be doing kids sport anyways, so getting to combine it with seeing our friends is pretty great.

Seasoned Mums: Let me know any of your kid sport tips in the comments! I’m determined to make the most of my current season.

Some Things I Made

Just flagging that the podcast has not fallen off the face of the planet. Surprisingly, arranging interviews has been the hardest part of podcasting. I am taking a short break while I gather guests for the next season. Cold and flu season has meant lots of rescheduling with all my beautiful Mum friends. When I have a few interviews under my belt, I can start releasing episodes again. The podcast has been such a joy for me and I hope to have it back in your earbuds soon. 💛

Love,

Bec